Job Hugging: Why We Stay in Jobs (and Lives) That Hurt Us

“Humans have always been really good at hugging things that hurt.”

I recently learned a new term, job hugging.

Apparently, that is what they are calling it when people stay in jobs they do not love, not because they are fulfilled, but because the job market is brutal and uncertainty feels worse than unhappiness. We ask ourselves, “Is it really THAT bad?”

I might be late to the phrase, but the behavior itself is nothing new. Because humans have always been really good at hugging things that hurt.

We stay in relationships longer than we should. We hold onto routines that drain us because at least they are familiar and we are afraid of the unknown. We cling to versions of ourselves that no longer fit because change requires energy we do not feel like spending.

Now people are doing the same thing with jobs. Not because they inspire us or challenge us in healthy ways, but because fear feels safer than starting over.

I have friends who are wildly qualified, strong resumes, proven leaders, people who used to have multiple offers on the table, and some of them have been looking for work for close to a year. It’s not that they aren’t qualified, it’s just a really tough market out there. So, people are staying put. People are job hugging.

I recently heard about a company that had been remote since COVID. Productivity went up. Results improved. Work got done. New leadership decided everyone now has to come back into the office two days a week. They downsized their office space, so not everyone even has a desk, and teams are spread across the country, meaning meetings are still on Zoom. People are now sitting alone in cubicles simply proving their bodies are in chairs.

That is not collaboration. That is control.

This mirrors exactly what happens in our personal lives when we stay in situations that no longer serve us just because we are afraid of the unknown. We abandon ourselves because fear feels safer than change.

It shows up in our relationships when we tolerate being spoken to poorly because being alone feels worse. It shows up in friendships that feel one-sided, but we keep showing up anyway. It shows up when we stay in rooms where we feel small because at least the room is familiar. It shows up when we keep over-giving, over-functioning, and over-explaining, hoping someone will finally see us.

So here is the part where I want you to pause and actually ask yourself a few things:

Where are you hugging something that is hurting you?
Where are you staying quiet to keep the peace?
Where are you accepting less than you deserve because starting over feels overwhelming?
Where are you telling yourself “it’s fine” when your body knows it is not?

And no, I am not saying quit your job, leave your relationship, or burn your life down.

But if you are being given more work without more pay, spoken to disrespectfully, burned out and ignored, or made to feel replaceable simply because the market is tight, do not hug your job at the expense of your dignity.

If you are staying in relationships, friendships, or situations where you feel unseen, unheard, or exhausted, do not hug those either.

Start paying attention.
Start setting small boundaries.
Start quietly exploring options.
Start remembering who you were before you learned how to tolerate too much.

We hug people who hurt us. We hug habits that numb us. We hug situations that drain us. And then we wonder why we feel exhausted. I am all for love and hugging, just not that kind.

It’s time to stop hugging what is hurting us.

Remember, YOU GOT THIS!